A Curious Beast
by Kat.Bites
Summary: would you love me no matter who i was? no matter what i'd done, and with whom? i would hope so...oh how i would hope so. because you're all i want in this world. CHAPTER SIX UP NOW! ANYONE WHO LIKED THE TUGGERxMISTO SLASH FROM CHAPTER ONE SHOULD READ 6!
1. Chapter 1

"I love you Misto." It was something I'd never said before and meant. I only ever used it to get what I wanted...

"You don't have to be cute with me Tuggerbear, I'm already sleeping with you aren't I?" My love responded as he rolled around in the sun-warmed grass. He picked a dandelion and bit the head off of it. He chewed for a second before making a face and spitting it out. I waited for Misto to add that he loved me too, but he stayed quiet, watching a tiny spider climb a blade of grass.

"You gonna eat it?" I asked when the silence became a nuisance Misto reluctantly gave me his attention instead of the spider.

"Gosh Tugger...now? Can't you wait?" he asked, smirking at me. I sighed.

"I meant the spider."

"Oh!" taken aback, he pulled the blade of grass from the ground and handed it to me, the spider dangling from it. "You can have it." I shook my head.

"It's yours." I said before falling back into the grass, perpendicular to my boyfriend. He rolled over and lay stretched over my chest, his tail flicking contently. His tail kept "accidentally" flicking across my crotch. Every time it did, Misto would smile at me like a horny teenager. Why was I suddenly unwilling to fulfill his need? Probably because he had yet to fill mine. It wasn't fair. He was acting like such a child, despite the fact that we were almost adults. The two year difference between us felt like ten years. He was fucking with my emotions and probably didn't even know. I was disrupted from my thoughts by a kiss on the nose from my Misto. He smiled and looked me straight in the eyes. I looked at his mouth. I'm so bad at looking people in the eye. Misto giggled at me.

"You're so cute." he whispered. I attacked his mouth with my own, enveloping him in a kiss. I loved him, and I wanted so desperately for him to love me too. This had never happened to me before, and it scared me to death. But I knew that if Misto loved me too, I could do this. Misto's hands wandered my lower half; he wasn't going to wait any longer. I broke the kiss and finally looked him in the eyes. That only made things harder...no pun intended. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"I...I love you Misto." I said. It took more effort to say than I thought it would, but it felt better than expected too. Misto looked at my kiss-swollen lips for a moment in silence before diving back at them. He couldn't look me in the eye. I pushed him up by his shoulders. "Don't you have something to say to me?" I asked.

"You're hot." he whispered breathlessly.

"I love you Misto," I was litterally almost having to fight him off of me. "and that's all you can say? Why won't you love me?" There was a hint of pleading in my voice that I regretted instantly. Was I that desperate?

"Oh I'll LOVE you all damn day at this point but you've got to let me at you." he grunted, pushing against my hands. I gave up out of sheer shock that he really was that thick, (again, no pun intended) and he collapsed on my chest. I was surprised when he didn't continue his assault. He stayed flopped on my chest, staring at me as I looked hopefully at the sky. "What's wrong Tuggerbear?" he asked in that sweet little kitten voice he puts on every time he thinks I'm mad at him.

"I'm not Mad at you Misto...just confused."

"About you?" he asked. My eyes found his. "About me?" he asked, worried now. I took a deep breath.

"About us."

And it was over. Misto was an addict for physically attention just as much as I was. It hurt now, to love him still. To love someone who you thought loved you...but to find out he used me for my body hurt like hell. I'd never felt this lonely before. It felt like I could never love anyone again, and if I didn't love them, then what was the point in being with them at all? I attempted to take an evening nap hiding inside of the junkyard tire, but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. There were a few young queens playing a (very loud) made up game nearby. I sat up and peeked my head over the rim of the tire to watch them. I saw Jemima, Victoria, Electra, and Etcetera. I pondered what I knew about each of them: Victoria wasn't young, but not the oldest of the four. Jemima and Electra were two of the eldest kittens of the tribe. They were sweet, but Electra had a lot of fire in her belly. Jemima was Grizabella's daughter, but she was accepted by the tribe, and was popular among us. Etcetera was pretty. She was the eldest kitten, to the point where you really almost couldn't call her a kitten anymore. I sort of noticed her watching the game instead of playing it. She gave me a quick glance, and did a double take when she noticed me watching her. She smiled at me before looking away before curling up nervously and batting at her ear. I thought it was cute. I wanted to talk to her, but I was worried that it wouldn't be much of a conversation with the way she always flirts with me. But a voice in my head other than my own sounded really good right about then, so the next time she looked at me I beckoned her over. She looked both ways to make sure I wasn't looking at someone else before walking over to me. I waved her in and she curled up on the opposite side of the tire from me and just stared at me. I stretched out on my back and turned my head to face her.

"Why weren't you playing with your friends?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Dunno. It was stupid. I'm too old for stupid stuff. Not old enough to talk with the grown queens. What am I supposed to do?"

"Come talk to me?" I suggested casually. She smiled.

"Don't you have queens just lining up to "talk" to you?" she asked slyly. I rolled my eyes. Everyone just KNOWS I'm that shallow.

"What's the point?" I asked. She looked confused. I sat up. "Why are you sitting so far away?" she shrugged. "No, I want to know. Do I scare you?" she shook her head. "Am I strange?"

"No..." she whispered.

"Then what then?" I pleaded. "What's wrong with me?" She considered me for a moment before getting up.

"Did something happen today?" she asked. I stayed quiet. "Tugger? I think someone hurt you today." I nodded. "Oh Tugger..." she hugged me. There's a huge difference between contact from a male and contact from a female. I was definetly beginning to like female contact much better. I was cold, despite the warm evening, but Etci warmed me. I slid an arm around her to return her embrace, and let my body slouch down against the inside of the tire. "Can I ask what happened?" she asked quietly. I sighed and thought of an answer. I didn't want anyone to know about Misto, especially not Etci. She felt like my only friend, the only one who wanted to understand me.

"I um...I got...well...I got used...for my body." I chocked out. Wow, its hard to say a lot of things today. Her hold on me grew tighter and I rested my head on her shoulder. She raised herself up and gave me a sympathetic kiss on the nose. I shut my eyes and shuddered as she pulled Misto's signature move without even realizing. I lost all control except my ability to keep myself from crying. I think she noticed.  
"Tugger...It's okay...it's...are you okay?" she asked. She put a paw on my chin and made me face her, so she could see me. There was a really comforting look of concern on her face, and she kept her eyes trained on mine, waiting for any change. I'm sure the change that she got wasn't the one she was expecting; it wasn't what I expected either, but I did it. I kissed her. A lot. She didn't falter for a second. I don't think she knew what she was doing, but she covered up for it well. I felt like I was getting Misto out of my head. Whether he stayed out, or if he'd be back by the morning, I really didn't know. But I didn't care. I took the queen I was entangled in for all that she was worth. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't feel wrong. I didn't feel like I was using her.

If the fact that it happened wasn't bad enough, the fact that the next morning we were found together...by Jellylorum of all cats. She raised all hell and woke every cat in the junkyard. No one blamed Etci. They all thought she was the victim. They thought I'd made her do it. I got in so much trouble. No one would talk to me for the longest time. It took my own brother weeks to talk to me again. I don't know what Misto thought about the whole ordeal, because he was apparently avoiding me. I didn't even catch a glance of his shiny black coat for almost a month. When he finally reappeared, every time I saw him there was a dull thud in my stomach, like I'd just walked into a wall every time I saw him. Etci didn't mind. She saw it as her ticket in. She was popular amongst the kittens out of their sheer jealousy, but frowned upon by some of the younger queens. Bombalurina and Cassandra would glare at her whenever she would pass by. She didn't mind. She flirted with me like never before. I was friendly to her, but careful not to be overly so, and give her the idea that what happened that night could ever happen again.

But things have changed.

That was a long time ago.


	2. Chapter 2

musical muses of this chapter:

b One Girl Revolution -- Superchick

This is For Real -- Motion City Soundtrack /b 

Critical Acclaim -- Avenged Sevenfold

Sheila -- Jamie T

Skinny Mean Man -- Say Anything

yes, I DO have the craziest music tastes EVER.

Cassandra sat on the trunk of the car keeping a close eye on the kittens as they jumped and flipped in the air. Etcetera was among them. She was not a kitten by anyone's definition, but the kittens were so much better at forgiving things she'd done a year ago. Etcetera is almost a fully grown queen, but the queens still won't go near her. I know it's a jealous type of loathing, which I don't understand, seeing as I've gone after almost every queen in the tribe and it seems that the ones who are shunning Etci are the ones who didn't want me when they could've had me. This is the kind of hypocritical insanity that one will only get from a queen. A tom? Never. With toms it's short and to the point. No guess work.

It had been almost a year since my breakup with Misto and the incident with Etci. The Jellicle Ball was maybe two months ago, and seeing her mother be chosen by Old Deuteronomy really made Jemima grow up. She was welcomed by the queens into her adulthood, and I think it hurt Etci. She was older than Jemima, and yet Jemima was accepted by the elder females first? I think it really shoved some remorse into her proud little heart. That's what she was after she'd slept with me: proud.

The Jellicle Ball this year was an interesting ordeal. It was interesting because I showed up. No one really thought I would. Even after a year, the whole tribe still saw me as the villain. My father and brother really didn't mention me to anyone, and I sort of just did my own thing, almost completely alone. Time goes so much slower when passing it alone. I did make new friends though: Alonzo and Pouncival. They were proud of me. They called Etci my greatest conquest to date. I guess they wanted to be who I used to be. Alonzo mated with Cassandra though, soon after the Ball. They're good together. But anyway, the night of the Ball I got sick of being alone, sick of watching the tribe from afar. I'm a glutton for attention and god damn if I wasn't going to get it. I showed up at the worst time though: with Jenny was around. It's a miracle I'm still alive after that one. The only ones who seemed happy to see me at first were Etci and the kittens. Too excited, to the point where I had to shut her up. Everyone noticed and it didn't help my case. Misto got mean.

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore.

A bore, am I? I showed him boring. He sure wasn't bored trying to play along with my magic act. I bet that tom still thinks he's magical to have brought my father back...

No one noticed me disappear after Old Deuteronomy was taken. I have a past with Macavity...and he owes me a favor. I know where he dens, so I went to him and made him give my father back. He agreed, but I got back to the junkyard just in time to see him fake out the entire tribe. There was downtime after he disappeared, so I went back and gave him hell. He agreed to bring Deuteronomy back through the pipe, but I asked him to give me ten minutes for a fake out of my own. I went back to the tribe and presented them with the magical Mr. Mistoffelees. The look on his face was amazing, but he took to his role oh so quickly. Everyone thought the flashes and smoke were so amazing; they'd so easily forgotten that the faulty electricity around the junkyard cause that to happen almost every night. I don't know what the point of it all was; maybe It was my last go at him. Shoving that last bit of Misto related energy out of my heart. I didn't care if he got the credit, at least I knew I'd rescued my father. In my head, I was redeemed.

I sat at one end of a group of toms, next to Pouncival, who was talking to Mungojerrie. The large group on Mungojerrie's other side separated me from Mistoffelees. He sat on the outskirts of the group, ever now and then glancing at me. His attention, however, was mostly devoted towards his new special friend Victoria. She is a year younger than Misto, and I'm sure she satisfies his immaturity quite nicely. I am a little annoyed. I didn't know Misto was like me: I thought I was the only one who could bounce back and forth between queens and toms. It was like Munkustrap had told me after the Etcetera incident.

"You don't care who you're getting it from, just as long as you're getting it." I guess Misto figured that if I could do it with Etci, then he could do it with whoever he wanted. And that's only fair. But he alone with the rest of the tribe (including Etci) still completely misunderstood what happened with her. I couldn't decide if I still loved Misto. I didn't blush when I saw him anymore, but his voice still sent shudders down my spine. I still missed him, and I still sometimes woke from dreams of him, wondering why he wasn't sleeping beside me. I wish I could say with confidence that I did not love him. I wish I could say that after a year I was able to get over him...but right now I'm just not sure. I shook myself from my thoughts to watch Bombalurina and Demeter pull two old badminton racquets from a rubbish box and use them to bat around a crushed soda can. It was a childlike game, but on a lazy Sunday morning, what else is there to do? My attention found focus on the tall scarlet queen: Bombalurina. She was absolutely gorgeous, and (I'd always thought) out of even my league. But I wondered if now would be as good a time as any to try her. But surely she must have a mate somewhere, a gorgeous queen like her? I looked at her to see if she gave anyone a special glance, but her eyes were concentrated on her game. I'd never really noticed her before...not like this. I checked around me to see if any other toms were staring at her, and sure enough I wasn't alone. Almost every unmated tom (and some already mated ones) were either staring at her, or trying not to. Well if we were all going to just sit there and stare at her then she was going to keep being hot and completely unattainable. Today it was my job to play the attainer. I leapt up without another thought and darted between Bombalurina and Demeter, grabbing the crushed can and jumping on top of the tire. Demeter shrugged and walked over to Cassandra. Bomba however, stamped indignantly over to the tire and stood there, claws out, staring up at me.

"Give it back Rum Tum Tugger." she muttered. I rolled my eyes and put a paw on my hip, tossing the can in the air with my other.

"Don't call me that, Bombalurina." I smirked. She took a step forward as if to start climbing the tire, and I took a step back. She gave me a low growl before pouncing up in front of me. I held the can behind my back and she darted to my left and right trying to get at it. She tried to run behind me but I spun in place. I was actually enjoying this. Out of breath finally, she gave me a disgruntled meow and shoved my chest. I laughed and she fell to all fours at my feet, looking up at me with a pout and a stare. I laughed again and went down on all fours myself. "You're too cute when you're angry." I said. I handed her the can. She looked at me for a moment before taking it, but her stare turned angry and she hurled the can at me...hard. It hit me square in the chest and actually knocked me onto my back. She crawled on top of me and stared at my face. I smiled at her. "You waste no time, do you?" I asked. She put her face right in front of mine and smirked at me. I wasn't complaining. I had every cat in the junkyard watching me working my charm on the hottest queen in the city. I gave her a quiet growl and she was off me in an instant. She stared at me from all fours and said

"I don't like you very much." She circled around to the other side of the tire, leaped down behind it, and started to walk away towards the sunrise. I tiptoed around the tire, feeling suddenly unclean to think that a year ago I was in there with Etci, and followed Bomba from a distance. Wow she looks great from behind. She glanced back at me every now and then and every time she did, I'd wave nonchalantly at her and smile with all my teeth. She'd roll her eyes and keep walking. Eventually I slipped into the shadows and when I wasn't there the next time she turned around, she purred contently and curled up on the ground, watching the sunrise. After a few minutes, I quietly walked up and sat down behind her. She didn't seem to notice me, so I just sat there and looked at the rising colors in the sky. It was a pretty sunrise; the sun was a red ball and there were long thin orange and blue clouds fanning out from every direction. It hurt to look at from being so bright, so I turned my attention to Bomba. The red light bounced off her shiny fur and she absolutely glowed. I tentatively ran a paw up her back and she twitched, but didn't move away. My hands returned to my knees and I sat for a moment before speaking.

"It's beautiful." I mused. She nodded.

"I like watching the sunrise. Something about how it changes the entire feeling of the air right before your eyes. Night into Day...it's amazing."

"Yeah...it is."

"So what are you doing here?"

"Talking to you."

"You hardly seem interested in talking."

"Oh don't I?"

"Well I'm curious as to why you're 'talking' to me. All out of kittens?"

"Hey, that's not funny."

"I'm not trying to be."

"She's not a kitten."

"So you defend it?"

"Yes well...no I mean...it wasn't the right thing to do. But she wasn't a kitten. That's not why it was wrong."

"You don't care who you're getting it with Tugger, just as long as you're getting it." she said those words with a certain smugness that just set me off.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Demeter."

"And she heard it from...?"

"Munkustrap."

"Bomba...what did Munkustrap tell Demeter?"

"That tom is whipped. He tells her everything."

"And so it gets passed on to you?" I asked indignantly. She smirked and shrugged.

"Munkustrap was so angry with you after that thing with Etcetera...but not so angry to leave out that you did it because you were hurt." she said quietly. My eyes glued themselves to the ground. I wished this conversation wasn't happening.

"Did he say why I was hurt?" I asked. She didn't speak. I finally looked up at her; she had taken a few steps closer to me. She made a few movements as if to put an arm on my shoulder, or touch my cheek, but she did none of these things.

"Yeah...yeah he did."

"What'd he say? Did he call me a faggot? Did he tell you I was a disgrace? Did he-"

"No." she interrupted. "He told us you were in love with Mistoffelees...and that you got yourself a rude awakening when you found out he'd used you the whole time." This time she made to touch my shoulder, but I took a step back. "Tugger I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound harsh about the Etcetera thing...It was wrong..."

"I don't want to hear about right and wrong." I muttered. She nodded.

"I get it." She made another attempt to hold me, and this time I let her. She draped her arms loosely around my shoulders and nuzzled my neck lightly.

"I'm different, you know." I said finally. "I'm not...the only thing on my mind isn't..."

"I know." she responded.  
"That thing with Etci...it wasn't on purpose...it wasn't planned..."

"I get why you did it."  
"Well that makes one of us. I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid. Well...okay maybe a little." she smirked at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

"That's not funny." I said, pulling away from her and placing my paws on my hips. She shrugged, that smirk staying on her face.

"Yeah it is." I pouted at her. It only made her laugh.

"Yeah? Well you dye your fur!" I accused. She stopped laughing.

"Well you shampoo your mane!" she shouted back. My jaw dropped. She chuckled and started to run. The look on her face wanted me to chase her. I did.

"You're a smug, obnoxious little queen!" I couldn't say it without a smile as I chased her scarlet form around the rubbish. My only hint that I hadn't lost her was that I could still hear her laughter just ahead of me. She was funny. I couldn't help but push her buttons a little. "You really are!" I added. I caught a glimpse of her, so I sped up.

"Well you're a big, arrogant, self-obsessed perverted tom!" she laughed back. She was starting to slow down a little, so I gave one last burst of speed and caught her around the waist, holding her to me.

"Got you!" I shouted triumphantly. She tried halfheartedly to get out of my grip, her whole body heaving for oxygen against my own front. We stood there for a minute, catching our breath.

"Okay, let me go." she said, pushing lightly against my paws.

"I don't thiiink sooo."

"Come on Tugger!" she giggled. She squirmed around in my grip and ended up turning to face me.

"Obnoxious." I joked.

"Perv!" she squealed, pushing my shoulder. She looked me right in the eyes, her paws on my shoulders, and mine on her waist. My smile went away.

"Beautiful." Her eyes fell, she blushed, and her smirk became more of a genuine smile.

"You're not so bad yourself." she said to the ground. I ran my paw from her hip, up her body and against her cheek before propping her head up to face me. She was ten times prettier when she wasn't trying to be. She let me hold her head up for a moment, and then my instinct took over my brain. I slowly leaned down and kissed her. Not a feverish, one-night-stand Misto kiss, not a sad and confused Etci kiss, but a real kiss: a soft, simple kiss. I barely even opened my mouth; but to my surprise, she tried to. But no, I liked Bombalurina. I wasn't going to let my bad habits destroy any chance I had with her. If I could control myself, I could make this work. I pulled away from her, and the smallest of involuntary laughs escaped my lips, as if it wanted to follow her.

"There's the Bomba I noticed at the Ball." she laughed a little and shook her head, looking up to face me.

"Let me guess," she said, "This is the part where I find out that this has all been a ploy to get me to come to your den tonight." The smirk returned to her face. I smiled at her, and then shook my head.

"No." I whispered. She shrugged and took a moment to look me up and down. She pulled away from me slowly, letting one paw slide down my chest before it returned to her own body.

"Too bad." she said simply, sizing me up again. She turned and slowly walked away, leaving me standing there like an idiot, slouching, with my jaw dropped. She gave me a backwards wave. "See you later Tugger." I didn't even have the mental capacity at that moment to respond. An aching in my groin urged me to follow her, but I rooted my feet to the spot, mentally bitchslapping myself to stay put. But it was hard...again, no pun intended.

God damn it, I'd met my match.


	3. Chapter 3

_ I want you to want me.  
I need you to need me.  
Id love you to love me.  
I'm begging you to beg me._

I didn't see Bomba for the rest of the day, or the day after that. She was often absent from the yard; the rumor was that she had an owner somewhere just outside the junkyard, some cats will even swear that they've SEEN her humans, but I don't buy it. Bomba is NOT tamable...but I do wonder where she goes...

So two days after our first encounter, I was making my way to the den I shared with my brother Munkustrap, just as the sun was beginning to set. Storm clouds were gathering in front of the setting sun, putting a pink and orange haze over the junkyard. It made you feel like your eyes weren't working, to see an orange tint over everything, but it was cool in an apocalyptic kind of way. But anyways, as I was walking towards my den, I noticed a figure hunched just beyond the tire, around where Bomba and I had kissed, staring into the sunset. I stopped and looked at the cat for a moment, and discovered that it was in fact Bombalurina. I slowly climbed through the tire and made my way slowly over to her. There was something strange about her; her fur was lacking it's usual shine, and it was matted and plastered to her body in places. She looked sick. I sat down next to her and nuzzled her shoulder gently. She jumped, but calmed when she saw it was me. Her eyes were wide and her lips were bloodless.

"Are...are you okay?" I cautioned. "You don't look so good." I reached out my paw to her face and se welcomed my touch as if it were her first contact in days. "Bomba?" she shook her head and gave me a weak smile.

"I was a little sick...that's all. Nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?" I started running my claws through her fur, trying to break up some of the clumps. She watched me, almost surprised. When I decided there was nothing more I could do with the mess, I sat back and gave her the nicest look I had in my system.

"Thank you." she whispered.

"Don't mention it. So you've just been sick in bed then?" she nodded, but didn't look at me.

"Demeter took care of me. She's good at that."

"So am I. I'd take care of you too."

"That's sweet. You're sweet."  
"Well..." ohh what was I getting myself into? "I...I like you a lot Bomba. And I'd like to show you that I mean what I say to you. I want to make you happy." And I knew that she believed me by the look she probably didn't even know she had on her face. I stayed quiet, letting her process what I had told her. She stayed quiet as well, but she nervously slid closer to me. She settled down in front of me, and pressed a little weight against my chest. I approved her gesture by sliding both my arms around her waist and gently pulling her back. She slumped down entirely against me and I rested my head in the crook of her neck. It was a weird feeling that came over me then; I was used to my green light being that something didn't feel totally wrong. But with Bomba, it didn't just not feel wrong...it felt, for the first time, completely right. I wondered why it took me so long to find her. If this was what finding the right cat for me felt like, then I never ever wanted to lose her.

As we sat there and watched the sun go down, the clouds grew thicker and darker, and with a sudden crash of thunder, the clouds opened and it began to pour. Bomba shrieked and I (while not too happy about it myself) just laughed and took her paw in mine, helping her to her feet. We ran together through the rain, trying in vain to cover our heads. She started to veer off in the direction of the den she shared with Demeter, but it was awfully far away, so I kept my grip on her paw. "No! No, come on, mine's closer, you'll drown in all this rain." she laughed and rolled her eyes, but followed my lead towards mine and Munkustrap's den. When we got through the door we collapsed, breathing, laughing, and shaking from the cold water on our fur. I got on all fours and shook like crazy, splattering water over every inch of the old car where Munkustrap and I den. "Ugh Tugger quit it!" came my brother's voice from the front seat. Bomba giggled, shaking herself dry as I had just done. As soon as Munk realized we weren't alone, he cleared his throat and held his tail high, the way he presents himself as protector. He really is a fun cat when he doesn't have any responsibility, but around anyone other than me or Demeter, forget about it. He's such a stiff when he's got a job to do.  
"Ahem. God evening Bombalurina." he said. I clapped him over the head with my paw. "OW!"  
"Drop your act oh great one. Bomba's not here to be protected."  
"Well maybe she should be." Munkustrap hissed at me. He turned his attention to Bomba. "I've got to say it Bomba; of all the queens I've seen Tugger bring home, I never expected one of them to be you. I can't quite place why." he looked back at me when I spoke.  
"It's not like that Munkustrap. We wanted to get out of the storm, that's all." I was trying so hard to tell myself that Bomba didn't look oddly hurt. Munkustrap gave me one of those "yeah sure, okay" looks.  
"Well, something tells me that you two together isn't something I'll be able to sleep through…should the inevitable happen. I'll den with Demeter tonight."

"I swear Munkustrap," Bomba cut in. "She wants you for her mate so badly, and if you knock her up before you ask her to be your mate, your head's going on the wall." I laughed. She pointed at both of us, with a small smile of her own on her face. "I'm so serious." Munkustrap bit his lip and stared at the ground. A smirk cracked across my face.  
"Is there…something you'd like to share with us Munky?" I asked. He took a deep breath.  
"She's…well she's…I'm not actually sure…" I looked at Bomba. Her mouth was wide open, but with a smile.  
"You have GOT to be joking." I blurted. Munkustrap looked suddenly kittenlike. He searched for words. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because I'm not even sure!" he whined. "She acts like she is though…but we're not even mates yet…she's not really herself lately."  
"She's tired a lot, no? And is she eating like a Pollicle around you too?" offered Bomba. Munkustrap nodded. She whacked him on the head, the same way I had done before, and the look on both of their faces forced a laugh from me. "Your queen's pregnant. And you're gonna mate her before anyone else has a chance to find out! Now go!" Munkustrap stood hanging his head, thinking, and as he did, the smallest of smiles crossed his face.  
I love her." he whispered. My heart pulled at my brain a little. The tone in his voice was that of a natural euphoria that I craved so badly.  
"And she knows you do." I choked out. I didn't even notice the lump in my throat until I spoke. How embarrassing.  
"And she loves you too." added Bomba. "But if you still don't see that, go to her, and she'll tell you until she's blue in the fucking face. Ask her to be your mate, announce it to the tribe in the morning, and then the pregnancy will reveal itself in time. You've already got Jenny's blessing, the only thing you need to overcome are your own nerves." Munkustrap nodded, and then everyone was silent for a few moments before he spoke.  
"I'm terrified Bomba. I'm absolutely terrified."  
"Of mating Dem?"  
"NO! No, I've been waiting for the right moment to do that since...since the Jellicle Ball...I'm scared of being a father I think...what if I should fail them?" and that was my brother: always fearing the worst. I knew he was going to make a good father, Bomba knew it, Demeter knew it, but that's Munkustrap: faith in everyone but himself. I found the ability to speak.  
"You'll be fine, Munk. It's like being a protector-"  
"Only you'll love them so much more." added Bomba.  
"Nahh that's not possible." my tone took on a happy, supportive tone, and I embraced my brother gently by his shoulders. He smiled and patted my shoulder in gratitude.  
"Everything's going to change." muttered Munkustrap.  
"For the better." Bomba promised. Munkustrap nodded.  
"Go to her loverboy." I ordered, earning a smile from Munk. He shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths before bolting out the door.  
"And bring her something nice!" Bomba called after him. He yelled something back at us, but we couldn't tell what he said over the roar of the rain. We watched him run until he veered off to the right to Demeter and Bombalurina's den.  
"I want that." I mused without thinking,  
"A mate?" she asked.  
"I guess. But I think I want kittens." Bomba wrinkled her nose.  
"I don't."  
"Why not?"  
"I'm horrible with kits. They don't like me either."  
"You were one once." I reminded her. She had no comeback.  
"Well why do you want them?" I shrugged.  
"I don't know. I want my own family I guess. Maybe I want something to tie me down. Something to keep my grounded, keep me out of trouble..." Bomba looked shocked.  
"You're the last cat I would ever expect to ASK to be tied down." This required careful thought.  
"Maybe it's what I've wanted all along. Maybe it's what I've always needed." and I think that for the first time, my head and my mouth made a connection. I was barely even aware that I thought these things, but in my ears they made so much sense. Was this really what I wanted? yes. I wanted kittens to teach and love and watch grow up. I wanted a mate who I knew was faithful to me and only me. A mate...who I could be faithful to. I finally verbalized something close to what my head was feeling. "I think I'm done with this casual sex thing." Bomba didn't really have any visible reaction. But I guess just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.  
"How casual am I?" she asked, a paw finding mine. Wait, what? I looked at her, looking at me with that specific nervousness that was so sweet about her.  
"You're not...I like you...a lot..." I wasn't allowed to finish thinking. She kissed me. While I had no qualms with her affection, I did wonder one thing. I broke the kiss to pose one question. "Do you think I'm using you?" I asked. She smiled in a way that somehow made me feel stupid.  
"No." she whispered, before making an attempt at my face. Aggressive much? That was interesting. I laughed, and without really meaning to say it out loud, asked  
"Are you using me?" she laughed back, and shrugged.  
"Maybe a little." her tone was soft and too seductive for me to pass up. It bugged me how much her words had turned me on. Didn't I just get finished saying that I was over that whole thing? I pulled away.  
"Then no...I won't."  
"Won't what?"  
"Be with you. I want you Bomba...make no mistake about it...but when I wake up tomorrow morning, I still want you to want me." She considered me for a moment, and I could all one million of the thoughts flashing behind her eyes.  
"Of all the toms in the tribe, Tugger, you're the last one I'd expect to be asking for commitment."  
"Forget what you know Bomba, because I don't even know what to expect anymore." I whispered. She shook her head in amusement.  
"You're a fascinating tom, and I don't think I'm crazy enough to pass up being the tester for you and your new found sensitivity. So listen: neither of us can say how we'll feel a year from now, or even a week from now..." she came close, her eyes locked on mine. She let our lips barely touch on her way to my ear, where she whispered "But I promise I'll be here in the morning." her promise went straight up and down my body in a hot shudder. She ran a paw up my arm, then my neck, and it came to rest tangled in the fur of the back of my head. I leaned my head against her paw and took a deep breath. I looked at her, being so patient with me. It was a look of patience on her face, after all, and not one of annoyance. I was sure of that. So she was willing to wait until I was okay; she was in this for ME. And that's what I was looking for. I nodded, trying so hard to keep gazing into her eyes. She was worth the blush that filled my face. I'm so bad at looking in someone's eyes; letting them see mine. What do they see? I can never stand the thought that the look in my eyes might betray the thoughts in my head and the workings of my heart. I thought about what Bomba had just said; the thought of tomorrow morning scared me a little. I had the oddest feeling that she was falling for me, but what if I was wrong? What if we fooled around tonight, and forgot in the morning? If it didn't work with Bomba, I might swear off companionship for good...I took another look at her. I could feel my animalistic side taking over, specifically my lower half. No fair. Bomba was hot, and she was willing...and so was I. I wanted her. I nodded.  
"That's good enough for me." came my voice, emotion clearly audible within it. I very slowly leaned in and kissed her, and we both moved very slowly, as if we were both waiting for the other to break away at any second. There was a certain fragility to our actions, or maybe I just thought there was. I felt completely open with her, and I just let go of myself as we laid each other down. She was excellent from experience, and knew exactly what to do. This was an almost unfamiliar phenomenon for me; Etcetera was a virgin, and Mistoffelees has never been with a tom before. So this was honestly the best time I'd had in more than two years, so I would've been satisfied no matter what...but Bomba completely blew even my mind. The movements she made only coaxed new ones from my own body, and the sounds she made drove me over edge after edge. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the fact that she was perfect.

Was I still scared of tomorrow morning?  
Definetly.  
But was having her all to myself for tonight worth it?

Hell yeah.

* * *

_yay for me NOT writing cat sex.  
haha my friend becky actually asked me if she could write a real sex scene, but i declined. obviously this one went a little father than Misto or Etci, to show that it's got slightly more meaning. but i tend to steer clear of the secks seeeens.  
reviews life._

_announcement: there's gonna be a sequel._


	4. Chapter 4

_this is morning:  
__it's when i spend the most time  
thinking bout what Iive given up.  
this is a warning:  
when you start the day just to close the curtains  
you're thinking 'bout what Iive given up...  
__i read your letter  
the one you left when you broke into my house  
retracing every step you made.  
and you said you meant it  
and there's a piece of me in every single  
second of every single day.  
but if it's true then tell me how it got this way..._

Morning light came shining through my eyelids, which I simply refused to open. I instead turned up my other senses, trying to decide if I still had a queen in my bed. I could smell nothing but morning dew mixing with the leftover aromas of last night's escapades. But the sound of gentle breathing that was no my own came to my ears. So she'd stayed as she'd promised. She felt no awkwardness the morning after, as I so often did. I considered reaching out a paw to touch her, stroke her arm, r caress her face, but I didn't for fear that she was already awake and would catch me. So instead opened my eyes just a crack to see her. She was facing away from me, laying on her side. Her body expanded and shrank as she breathed, slow and even. This was peace, this was happiness, just laying here and watching her sleep. After a few minutes of sleepy contemplation, I started to run a paw gently from her neck to her ass and back up again. She twitched and a small noise escaped her, but she did not wake. She was warm because the sun shone straight down on her form through the left and rear windows. I was cool, as I was just beyond the sunbeam's reach, so I inched closer to her, pressing my front against her back from shoulders to feet. She pressed lightly back against me, and I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other across her chest. I left a long kiss on her neck before nuzzling into her shoulder and allowing my eyes to close. I could stand to sleep a little longer. I didn't know if I'd fallen asleep or not, so either an hour passed, or only a minute, but Bombalurina started to move. I kept my eyes closed, but loosened my arms as she sat up. I heard her sign as she stretched and I heard a yawn as well. She nudged my shoulder gently.  
"Tugger?" she barely whispered. She obviously didn't want me awake that badly. I heard nothing for a few moments, and then, in an action that startled me so much that I almost opened my eyes, she pressed her lips to my "sleeping" ones. She allowed herself to remain there, not moving, just contacting for I don't know how long. I didn't mind it at all. She was really a sweet queen, all alone and comfortable like this. I wondered why she spent all of her time around the tribe acting so holier than now, when in reality she wanted a sweet, quiet romance more than anything.  
I should ask myself the same question.  
She and I were just the same in that respect. It was such a cover up. But who had I been hiding my emotions from? What did I have to hide? More importantly, what did she have to hide? I'd be a fool to tell myself that I knew everything there was to know about Bombalurina the Scarlett Goddess, But I felt like her disguise was off around me, and that fact made me crave her that much more. I remained unloving for the sole reason of finding out what she would do next. I don't know what I was expecting her to do, but I wanted to give her the chance to make a decision thinking she was alone. "Fine. Sleep then you big oaf." Ouch. "Well…cute oaf." Okay fine. I heard her shuffling around a little, and then I heard nothing at all. Did she leave? I opened my eyes and sat up slowly. No, she hadn't left; she'd curled up on the driver's-seat, staring out the driver's-side window at a group of kits playing nearby. I gave her maybe another minute before crawling into the front seat. She smiled at me.  
"Hey" she said sweetly.  
"Hey. Move over a little." She lifted herself off of the seat and allowed me to slide in under her before she took a comfortable perch on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and played with her paws while leaving small kisses on her face and neck, earning a purr from her throat. And we spent some time just sitting there, both of our attentions devoted to the kittens nearby. I registered that Etcetera was among them, but I didn't think it was important until Bomba spoke.  
"Are you looking at her Tugger?"  
"Not specifically." I tried to sound as not caring as possible, but when Bomba mentioned Etci, I turned my attention towards her. She sat watching, rather than playing. She'd lost a lot of weight to the point where she looked almost sickly. Her eyes were dull, and that only added to the effect of looking a dead cat walking. It made me sad to think that this was partially my fault; that she was stuck in perpetual kitten-dom. I wondered if I could ask Bomba to each out to her, now that jealousy could not be an issue. But now was not the time.  
"Was I better than her?" asked Bomba.  
"What?" my reply sounded more surprised than I actually was.  
"Was I better than Etcetera?" she asked again, a certain urgency now apparent in her voice. I shook my head.  
"You can't be serious about this."  
"Tugger I am!" she placed a paw on my face, forcing me to look at her. "I want to know who you liked better, who you'd rather be with If you had to choose. Now who was better: Etci or me?" she was looking so desperately into my eyes. It was obvious she didn't trust her own beauty and…unique talents. I cared a little about Etcetera, this was true enough, but not in the way that I was starting to care about Bombalurina. So I placed my paw on her cheek, returning her gaze, and gave her the most sincere voice my throat possessed.  
"Etci who?" and that seemed to satisfy her, at least I should assume from her reaction. She not only allowed my full out assault on her lips, she encouraged it with tricks and touches she hadn't used last night. I was in the middle of thinking "Oh, really? Again? Now?" when she stopped abruptly.  
"Tugger! TUGGER!" Munkustrap came bounding into the car, grinning from ear to ear. "Tugger come quick! You'll miss it!" he stopped when he noticed that Bombalurina was still here. His smile, if possible, got even bigger. "It's not like that, eh Tugger? Of course it isn't. What was I thinking?" His attention shifted to the queen I had straddling me, and shook his head in a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "Bomba, I have got to ask…is he really THAT good?" I had to laugh. Bomba had trouble not laughing, but she smirked and shrugged, shifting her hips down and forward. I let out a completely involuntary pleasure gasp, and her claws dug into my left leg. The pain forced my thighs to buck up, hitting her in the ass and just pressing her that much closer to me. She put her lips directly in front of mine and whispered right into my mouth.  
"Shhhh Kitty. Control yourself." I forgot to mention that she completely dominated my smart ass, didn't I? She's sweet as sugar, oh yes, but when it came down to what happened last night, she took complete control. I wasn't used to it and at first fought her for dominance, but I have the scratches on my back to prove that was a no-go. Make no mistake: once I got used to it I had the time of my fucking life, but next time I was going to push a little harder to get my way. I was brought back out of my flashback as Bomba slid slowly off of me, being careful to drag her leg slowly across my crotch. I tensed up, waiting for the claws to come next. They didn't, but I didn't dare to even breathe. "I don't know Munkustrap. Might have to try him out yourself" she suggested with a smirk. Munkustrap raised an eyebrow. "I'll see you toms later. Tugger…" she started to say something, but stopped. "See you." She finally settled on. And she bounded away towards the meeting center of the junkyard.  
"So…how'd THAT go?" Munkus asked. I nodded, still in complete sexual shock.  
"It welt…and we…and I…so she…"  
"She completely dominated you, didn't she?"  
"Yeah." I was too hormoned-up to even deny it.  
"That's got to be a first."  
"Yeah…it was actually pretty hot." I finally stood up and we both leapt out of the car onto the ground.  
"Mmm Tugger being submissive. I gotta tell you little brother, that kind of turns me on." he joked, trying to grab me from behind.  
"Ugh, shut up faggot." I shoved him away.  
"Faggot? Not I. The only thing I'll say is Mistoffelees." I shoved him again, and pointed a threatening finger at him.  
"Stop it. Not funny."  
"Alright alright chill out."  
"Tell you what. You think it's so hot then fine. We can all have a wild-foursome tonight: you, me, Bomba, and your baby momma. I stopped in my tracks. "And…how did THAT go, now that we're on the subject?" A smile that combined mischief and pure joy found my brother's face. He took my arm and pulled.  
"Come on, I'll show you." I let hi drag me to the center of the junkyard where the tribe was gathered. There were a bunch of queens and kittens sitting around Demeter as she sat on the tire. They all asked her questions, and each time she pantomimed zipping her lips. Munkustrap motioned for me to stay put, so I leaned against the tire and watched Bombalurina arrive and run straight for Demeter. They whispered conversation for a few minutes until Munkustrap stood on the tire, arms slightly raised. It took maybe three seconds for everyone to be quiet. Our protector so well respected. He cleared his throat and began to speak.  
"Good morning everyone." He said. There was a small chorus of "good morning"s in return. "I've got an important and…exciting announcement to make." Not-so-interested heads plucked up to hear the excitement. "Last night…I went to Demeter and Bombalurina's den…" he extended a paw towards Demeter, which she took, and he helped her to his feet. He placed an arm around her waist and she looked at his shoulder. Demeter is a shy queen, I'm sure she wasn't exactly excited about having everyone staring at her. "And I asked Demeter to be my mate." There were many gasps and "aww"s from mostly queens. "And she's accepted my request. I'm pleased to present you with your Protector's queen Demeter." There were cheers and applause, and Munkustrap nuzzled Demeter's head gently before releasing her. Bomba grabbed her immediately and hugged her tight. Both Munkustrap and Demeter were being congratulated like crazy, but Munkustrap signaled for silence again. "Wait, wait, there's one more thing." It took slightly longer for everyone to quiet down, because everyone wanted to get in their congratulations, but silence fell eventually. "Demeter has also informed me…that she is pregnant." This time there were actual screams. I had to duck down and cover my ears it was so loud. The tribe divided, queens surrounded Demeter, and toms surrounded Munkustrap. I watched Bomba out of the corner of my eye, from my new position next to my brother. She had a sudden sick look on her face. She kept looking over her shoulder. There was a spot on her neck that she seemed to keep needing to scratch…a lot of the queens had begin to disperse, so Bomba pulled Demeter aside. I'm really not one for lip reading, so I couldn't tell what was being said, but Bomba wasn't looking at Demeter, and she was blinking excessively. Demeter wasn't yelling, but the look on her face told me that she wanted to. Demeter pointed at me for a hair of a second, and Bomba looked completely defeated, but she said nothing. Demeter threw her hands up in frustration and walked back into the group of queens. Bomba took a few deep breaths and then began to walk away. Demeter watched her go out of the corner of her eye, but no one else seemed to notice her go. Pollicles dream of days like these: when even the protectors are at the meeting grounds. It wasn't safe for Bombalurina to go off alone. I followed her from a distance. It was hard though, because she just could not stop looking over her shoulder, even though I wasn't making any noise. Her movement was twitchy and spastic, like she was scared. We walked for a while and I finally started to get worried when she walked right out the junkyard gate. She hung a left towards the house of the Junkyard Manager. I would not follow her any further. You'd have to be stupid to go into that backyard. She skirted around the shack towards the dog house in the backyard. But no dog lived there. That dog had been slaughtered years ago. Left on the doorstep of the manager. The killer was the new inhabitant of the doghouse, and only I, him, his friends, and apparently Bomba knew who lived there now.

Macavity.

I wandered back to the junkyard, almost more hurt than confused. Was she with Macavity? Was that where she always disappeared to? It made sense. She was always so intrigued by the Hidden Paw. Liked his mystery. Has I really been stupid enough to move too fast and be completely used…again? I walked around the edges of the junkyard for the rest of the day, half waiting for Bomba's return. As it got dark, the air became thick with humidity, and I could sense rain coming. I should've just gone home.  
"Hi Tugger." A voice laced with sugar came from behind me. It was older, more mature than the last time I'd spoken to it.  
"Hi Etcetera." She took my response as an excuse to walk next to me. I smiled at her, but tried not to be too sweet.  
"What are you doing out here by yourself?" she asked. Her arm kept brushing mine, too often for it to be an accident.  
"I should ask you the same question. It's not safe for a kitten to be this far…I'm sorry." She'd stopped walking when I called her a kitten. "Etci, I slipped. I'm sorry." She shook her head.  
"It's okay. It's fine…it happens."  
"Etci, you're not a kitten, I know you're not a kitten."  
"I know you do. I would hope that if anyone would know, it would be you." She took a few steps closer to me and placed her paws on my chest. I froze. "If I was a kitten, then you wouldn't want me."  
"Etci…" I groaned. I didn't want her starting with this. Not now.  
"And you do, don't you? I can feel it…" I had a lot of Etci pressed against me all of a sudden.  
"Etci, now really isn't the…" But I was silenced by her mouth on mine. Not. Fucking. Fair. For a moment I let her, but this could not go on. I cared about her, please don't question that, but with Bomba in my head this was like kissing my sister. I pushed her lightly off. "Etci no." I kept my eyes shut, not wanting to see the look I knew was on her face.  
"Is it another queen?" she asked. I shook my head.  
"That's honestly not the point. I just...it's not you Etci, I promise, it's me. I...you don't love me, do you?" I waited while she got up the guts to look at me. "Yeah, I thought not."  
"But I could, Tugger! I just know I could..."  
"You don't have to. Etci, go find a tom who makes you happy. You'll know him when you find him, trust me. You're beautiful, you're sweet, you'll have no problem finding someone to love you, once you're ready to love them."  
"If I'm so wonderful...why can't my tom be you?" I took her paws in mine and held them to my chest.  
"There's someone else, if that simplifies things at all." She nodded.  
"Should've guessed." she said with a smile.  
"But Etci, I care about you, and I hope you'll take my friendship. I love you, but in the way I'd love a sister. Is that enough?" she smiled.  
"It's enough." she wasn't lying, but she wasn't happy. She'd get over it soon enough, I knew that.  
"Come here you." I ruffled the fur on the top of her hair, and gave her a light kiss on her forehead. Suddenly I heard a gasp, and for a second I thought it was Etcetera, but when I looked to my left, I realized we were standing right next to the front junkyard gate...through which Bombalurina had just entered. I saw a scarlet blur dart away, back towards the safe center of the junkyard, in the direction of her and Demeter's den. "Shit." I muttered. I looked back at Etcetera, and realized that it didn't matter how much Bomba had seen; she'd still think it was something it wasn't.  
"What is it?" asked Etci, on her toes now.  
"Ohhh shit." was all I replied. I tapped her shoulder in goodbye before taking off as fast as I could, trying to follow Bomba. Of course as soon as I did so the skies opened up and water and lightning filled the air. "Fucking PERFECT." I yelled over the roar of thunder. I could've gone left back to mine and Munkustrap's den, but instead I turned right, towards Bomba and Demeter. I banged on the makeshift front door. I wasn't unfamiliar with the den. I'd been in it...twice, maybe three times with Munkustrap for gatherings with Demeter and others. The den was often used as a private meeting house, when we needed to house more than could fit comfortably in the car. Bombalurina and Demeter lived in a cave of sorts, created by accident when a dumped pile of junk landed just the right way to leave a surprisingly large circular room. It stayed very warm in the winter, and in the summer, pieces could be moved to keep it quite comfortably cool. I had to bang on the door for quite a few minutes before I got any type of response. Demeter came to the door and poked her head outside, glaring at me like death.  
"Dem, hi. Is Bombalurina home?" I asked, out of breath and shivering from the rain.  
"Yes."  
"...can I talk to her?"  
"No." and she shut the door in my face. I knocked again.  
"Dem? Come on! Come on Demeter, open the door." Nothing. "Bomba? Demeter? Hello? Open up, come on!" Still nothing. "I'll STAND HERE ALL NIGHT IF I HAVE TO!" Oh throw me a fucking bone here! "I'll curl up right outside this door and go to sleep." I called with my head against the door. And when again no response came, I did just that. I fluffed up my fur and curled up on the ground, getting wetter and colder by the second, and closed my eyes.

* * *

_long author's note _

_yayyy for me finally updating!  
cheers? anyone? no? no applause? fine.  
sorry this one took me a little longer. i swear to god, this story has gotten the better of me. the plot of the sequel has been 90 planned. not entirely sure of a title, or an ending yet, but it's coming.  
this is like..the longest section ever. i write such short chapters and this one came out to about 6 microsoft word pages.  
i've been writing the whole thing on paper during school due to lack of free time at home, and an excess of it at school. i'm up to 34 sides of paper (yay for me being a complete and total fag).  
i've got the most insane weekend coming up, but the dullest week. so i really don't know when i'll have five up.  
but get excited to find out where Bomba's been going!  
i tell you, you will not see it coming.  
okay...maybe you will. if you're a Bomba hater. i'm not. i happen to be quite fond of her. this just made for one hell of a plot twist.  
i've got like fifty planned out.  
i love reviews more than oxygen.  
so gogogo. _

/long author's note 


	5. Chapter 5

_I saw, I smelled what he did to you girl.  
and to be frank, the thought makes my innards curl:  
how he preyed on your ripe insecurities,  
the thorn in your side is alive, and it's killing me.  
Obscure records entombed in his room with mechanical lust,  
diapered, desolate middle-aged doom.  
On your knees in his downtrodden shit-eating grin of a room.  
If only you'd meet me here soon.  
If only you'd start breathing, I'd court you exclusively._

I was awoken the next morning by Demeter tripping over me.  
"Tugger!" she cried indignantly, a paw flying now instinctively to her stomach.  
"I told you I'd sleep here. I need to talk to her, Dem." She shook her head.  
"Go home Tugger. She doesn't want you."  
"You know what? I just don't buy that."  
"There's only one thing she wants in this world, and it only comes from one cat."  
"Yeah? What does Macavity have that I don't?" I muttered.  
"Shows how much you know." She scoffed. "I really don't think you want to see her like this…it always hits her harder when she's upset."  
"She's upset? Demeter no! She doesn't understand! You don't understand! I saw her go to Macavity's lair, I was walking, and I swear I was just TALKING to-" Demeter held up her arms, demanding silence.  
"I just don't care anymore. I've been up with her all night. I'm on my way to Munkustrap to get some sleep, because that queen is not going to shut up and leave the den. So give your excuses to her, not me."  
"Thanks Dem." I muttered.  
"Mark my words Rum Tum Tugger. You break her heart, I break you." I nodded, knowing that she was completely serious.  
"Duly noted." And with that, she walked away. I knocked on the door.  
"Dem?" came a quiet whine from inside. I walked in. The den looked a lot smaller when there weren't eight or nine cats in it, and I found Bomba lying on her stomach at the far end. She held an arm over her eyes when I brought bright light in with me. "Dem? Are you back?"

"No Bomba, it's me." I whispered.

"Tugger?"

"Yeah."  
"Go away. I have to yell at you. And I can't right now."

"Why not?"

"Don't feel good." she was loopy; not talking like herself.

"Bomba what's got you?"  
"Nothing. Nothing. It's gone."  
"What's gone?"

"My head. I'm gone. My head hurts." I walked to her and dropped to my knees, placing a paw lightly on her head.  
"Your head's right here baby." I hadn't called her by a name yet, and it did feel good when she didn't object...at least not to the name.

"Fuck you. Don't touch me." she murmured, but she made no attempt to move me or herself.  
"Bomba I know you saw me with Etcetera yesterday. Do you not believe in me? I made you a promise that I wasn't using you, and I wasn't doing anything to be ashamed of with Etcetera. She...she tried to make me want her. She kissed me, but I couldn't let her. I don't want her, I don't." I stroked her head gently a few times, but she didn't purr. I looked at her face to make sure she was even awake, and she was: staring at me right in the eyes with as much malice as her sick glassy eyes possessed. It hurt to see that she was so clearly ill, and I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and not let go until her smile returned. But I knew that if I did, I'd end up with more scratches on my back, but with a not-so-nice intent.

"I saw you kiss her." she whispered.

"Where did I kiss her?" I asked.

"On her forehead."

"Yep. And I hugged her, and I ruffled the fur on her head." I freely admitted it before crouching down and whispering in her ear. "And tell me baby; where did I kiss you?" she didn't give me an answer, she only gave a slight squirm and the quietest of moans in response. At least she knew that she got from me things that I never gave to Etcetera. "I asked Etci to be my friend. I told her that I loved her, and love her I do, but in the way that say...Munkustrap loves me. Or the way you love Demeter. I want to have Etci as a sister, as a friend."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"I made an assumption. I was stupid. I'm stupid. I-" She was cut off by a gagging noise coming from her own throat. She sat up and I moved with her, holding her shoulders as she hunched over and puked her brains out. I rubbed circles soothingly on her back, trying to help calm her breathing once it was over.

"Bomba tell me what's wrong." but she couldn't, as a new wave of vomit blocked her speech. She spent all day shivering, coughing, and crying a little, and I stayed with her through all of it. How could I leave her? Eventually she fell asleep, her limp and shaking body leaning against mine as I sat with my back against the wall, wondering if there was something seriously wrong with her. I guess I fell asleep with her, because the next thing I remember is Demeter shaking me awake. Bomba wasn't with me, and I found her sleeping on her bed in the corner.  
"Tugger wake up."  
"Hey Dem."  
"How's she been?"  
"I don't know Dem. I've never seen anyone this sick before…" My memory however, stuck on one specific night. "Okay, well I have, but only once."  
"Who was it?"  
"It was…me."

**FLASHBACK TO THREE YEARS AGO**

"Just like this?" I felt like an idiot. But I'd never done this before, and I was scared of fucking up. This shit could kill me if I did it wrong.  
"Just get right down and breathe. Through your nose, it's better that way." Instructed Macavity. I did as he told me; placing my face over the pile of green herb, eyes closed, and inhaled slowly. I got barely half a breath in, and I was on my back, coughing and gagging from the powerful aroma. My head became heavy, and I saw spots everywhere. "Feels good, doesn't it kitty?" I nodded, and drunkenly crawled back to the pile of catnip.

"Hell yeah." I slurred as I inhaled more. I didn't choke this time, and the rush was long and sweet.  
"Aren't you so glad I'm here to show you what the good things in life are?" I nodded. Macavity took his turn, breathing deeply. His eyes rolled briefly back in his head, but he didn't stumble. He was a pro with the drug. That's all I remember from that night; everything else is a loud dark blur. but I (and you) can probably piece together what might have happened, especially considering how sore I was the nest morning. The next morning I remember quite vividly. I couldn't move without my head feeling like it was going to split right down the middle. Even wiggling my ties sent shooting pain through my brain. I didn't know where Macavity had gone (who, in case you couldn't guess, was my lover at the time), so I laid there on the floor of his lair for god knows how long. I wanted to die and when the puking started, I really thought I was goin to. The only movement I made was to turn my head to make sure I didn't choke on my own bile. Macavity returned and laughed at me, lying there in a puddle of my own insides. He called me a queen, told me I was disgusting, and if I wanted to stay with him then I needed to learn to keep my nip down. And I realized that I didn't want to stay with him. As soon as I had enough energy to stand, I fled. And I never went back.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"You've got a lot of secrets." mused Demeter.

"Less now."

"You said Macavity was your...lover?" I bowed my head. Demeter was the last cat I should tell this to. Demeter had a past with Macavity as well. She was kidnapped by him five years ago. He kept her in his lair for almost a month. I remember Munkustrap didn't sleep at all. He lead search parties all over the city, desperate to find her, and unwilling to think about what might have become of her. But Demeter, being the queen that she is, managed to escape and fled back to the junkyard. She had a horrible story to tell about how Macavity had tortured her for information about my father, my brother, and even about me. She told us how close she'd come to dying between the torture...and the rape. After she'd told of what he'd done, she wouldn't talk at all for weeks. She wouldn't even leave her den. It took three years for her to get back to the way she is now. She owes it all to Munkustrap. He's loved her for years, and it took everything he had in him to fix her. She'd always loved him too, but it took her forever to get comfortable with him again. She's still very jumpy, and a bit of a pessimist, and very sensitive to Macavity's presence in the yard. She's happy with Munkustrap though, but you never get over an encounter like that. And now here I was, telling her I'd given myself up to Macavity for cheap thrills. I wasn't proud of my past with him, but I was young and stupid and curious, just as I could assume Bomba might be. I realized I hadn't answered Demeter yet.  
"Yeah, yeah he was for about a month."  
"I didn't know that. I mean, I knew you liked toms..."  
"I like queens too. I like Bombalurina."  
"Well that's obvious enough. What isn't obvious at all is why you would go and kiss Etcetera again and risk something special with Bomba."  
"I explained everything to Bomba. She understands. I didn't kiss Etcetera, we're just friends." Demeter nodded.  
"Thank you for staying with her. I was up with her all last night. I needed some sleep, and to talk to Munk. We need a new den...but you can go now if you want to." I shook my head.

"Do you mind if I stay here? With her?" she shrugged.  
"I guess not. Maybe you're better equipped to deal with her."

"How do you mean?" I asked, stretching out my tired body.

"She didn't tell you...why she's like this?"  
"Talking wasn't really in the cards for her today."

"Oh, right. I guess this one was really bad."  
"Demeter, what are you talking about?" Demeter took a long breath before she spoke.

"She's been like this for...about a year now. Disappearing for a day or so, coming back like this. She's sick like this sometimes for an hour, sometimes for days. Last night was the worst I've ever seen her: she told me what she saw with you and Etcetera...and then just...she was gone...she disappeared into it completely."  
"Demeter, make sense for five seconds please!"

"She's been...going to Macavity...for catnip...at least twice a month...for about a year. Last night she came back and just...Bomba wasn't there at all. I was taking to the catnip one hundred percent. It was scary." My brain had caught fire. A year's worth of catnip was a very bad thing. Too much of that shit will fucking kill you.  
"Why don't you stop her?" I asked.

"You ask me that like I haven't tried. She's an addict, Tugger, and she'll do anything to get her fix. At least Macavity's supply is clean, and I don't have to worry about her getting poisoned. I'm not happy about it but...I don't know how to stop her."

"I get it. But I'm not ever ever going to let her do it again."  
"Then you're dealing with her withdrawal, not me."

"And who better than me to help her?"

"No one. Good luck with her. Get some sleep though, you'll need energy to deal with her tomorrow. She might be fine though, now that you've explained the Etcetera thing. That really screwed her up last night...she really likes you, you know." I couldn't help but smile.  
"Yeah, I know." I looked at Demeter, who was smiling knowingly at me.

"Alright. To bed with you. See you in the morning."

"Night Dem." and I curled up behind Bombalurina, my arms winding themselves instinctively around her.

Morning light was what awoke me as someone came into the den. I didn't have Bomba next to me anymore, and once my eyes adjusted to the light, I discovered that it was Bomba who had just entered. She was coughing, but at least she was on her feet. I sat up.

"Morning." I said, trying to give my groggy voice a cheery air.

"Morning. Here." she sat down in front of me and rolled me a fresh-killed rat.  
"Don't you want this?" I asked. She shook her head and gave a look of mild distaste.

"Not hungry." Well I was. I dug my teeth into the stomach and tried to let as much blood as possible flow out before beginning to gnaw at the meat. Bomba sat in silence, staring at my feet until I finished, tossing the remains aside. "You...stayed with me yesterday?" she asked. "And Demeter told you everything?" I nodded. "You must think I'm such an idiot.

"Hey, if you are, so am I. Did Dem tell you?" she nodded. So how can I blame you? Macav...he's a good salesman. He's hard to say no to...but you can. Bomba, I'm not going to lose you. I'm going to help you beat this."

"I can't. It's been too long...It's a part of me. He owns me now...he owns me."  
"You own you! He only owns what you give him."  
"I gave him...I gave him everything I have." Fire. A fire started in my head at those words.

"You've fucked him?" she couldn't speak, she only nodded.

"Willingly?" I tried to clarify.

"Tugger I'm sorry!" she cried. Tears streamed down her face one after another. I hated watching her cry.  
"Don't be sorry. BabyBom, you have a weakness, and you let the wrong tom hold you up." She was shaking now, from crying so hard. I kissed her paws and held them to my chest. "Just tell me that you promise to let me help you. Tell me you want to get better. Tell me that you'll let me hold you up." I was choked up myself now, but I couldn't let her hear it in my voice. She needed a strong arm to hold her up, and I wanted it to be mine. Almost in an answer to my thoughts, she collapsed forward, falling into my lap. Her head rested on my thigh and she shook from the sobs raking through her body. I rubbed her back and held her as tight as I could from the position she was in. She would calm down eventually, and once she did, we could talk about making a plan for her. She could beat this with help.

I believed in her.

* * *

_wow, did i go all week without updating?  
__**SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY.  
**i'm actually dealing with a lot right now.  
my friend ali is thirteen, and she got raped at a party a month ago.  
she's getting an abortion. her whole grade hates her. and i'm trying to be there for her, because we're both scared she's going to do something stupid. so i'm sorry if my mind is elsewhere. this chapter was supposed to be longer, but i really couldn't concentrate on it. Most of this was written before she told me what happened, it just took me forever to get it typed up.  
i love reviewers.  
view my profile page for more updates._


	6. Chapter 6

**chapter six:  
_but i won't fall for it next time._**

_I had some nightmares clawing at my skin and bones.  
I nearly did explode.  
You smoked the demons, gave me back my feelings.  
Now I am good to go.  
Before, my face hits the floor there's just one thing you should know:  
This is for real. This time I mean it.  
I'm coming clean. Please don't let go  
I said from the start that you could take it or leave it.  
I'd prefer that you keep it.  
Don't let go.  
This is the best thing that I've ever had for real._

I guess all she needed was the right kind of help. Barely a month has gone by and the withdrawal has definitely gone. She was still getting intense cravings though, but we were working on satisfying them in…other ways. This was only made easier by the fact that we were actually living together now. Munkustrap had moved out of the car and into Dem and Bomba's cave den. We all agreed with the decision; they had kittens coming and needed the space. This was good for Bomba and me too, because now I could keep an even closer eye on her. I didn't think she WANTED to sneak out to Macavity, but it wouldn't surprise me if she suddenly felt like she had to. She'd made real improvements though. At first she tried to hide her symptoms from me. She didn't want me to see her body screaming for the drug, but I made her open with me. She became good t keeping me updated on when she got cravings, and how strong they were. Every time she got one I would just talk to her or something, about anything and everything. I tried to make her laugh, or make her think; just anything to keep her mind occupied, and stop her from thinking about the nagging need in her brain. Sometimes she got really bad attacks, and talking to her would be difficult because she got so paranoid and twitchy. When this happened, she'd let me get physical with her. Our plan was that I just had to soothe her as best I could, but if t hat didn't work, I had the green light to make her crazy any ways I knew how. Personally, I loved it. It was the only time she didn't demand dominance. When we did it while she was normal though, she made me completely hers for the taking. I couldn't help myself. She could bend me; break me; anything she wanted. She had me wrapped around her finger and I think she knew she did. I just wanted to make her happy, and if this made her happy, then why not? I was beginning to realize that the reason I let her treat me this way was because I was in love with her. For real. Nothing made me happier than talking to her, touching her, falling asleep with her, and waking up the next morning and have her still there, ready to do it all again. I'd been trying to say "I love you" for almost three weeks now, but something in my head just wouldn't let me. I kept thinking about the last cat who heard me say "I love you": Misto. We all know how that ended up. Even though part of me knew I didn't need to fear the same outcome with Bombalurina, I couldn't really help myself. But brought back to attention, I was about three seconds away from losing my mind.  
"Ugh Bomba come ON." She'd caught me unawares and gotten me pinned down on my back, crawling onto me and ensuring she made contact with every part of my body except the ones that really needed attention. I hated to love it: the way she made me squirm. She laughed.  
"Haven't you learned by now? Good things come" she interrupted herself with a deep kiss to my lips "to those. who. wait." I let loose a growl that had no playful air.  
"I CAN'T wait any more, come ON." she paused, staring at me for a moment before rolling off of me. "What now?"  
"Can we talk?" she asked quietly. I let out a short involuntary groan and sat up, leaning against the car door.  
"Talk? Sure. But how much intelligent speech do you expect from me after teasing like that? I mean, I let you do what you want to me...but this just is NOT fair." She smiled to herself before crawling over to me, nestling into my chest. I closed my eyes as she left a kiss on my jaw line. Her face stayed near, and her breath was warm on my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and my paws rested on her chest. She kept taking breaths as if she was about to speak, but she never did. Her heartbeat, I noticed, had gotten slightly faster. I placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head until my eyes found hers. "You alright?" I asked. She nodded.  
"Have I thanked you yet?"  
"For what?"  
"For...everything." I gave her a smile.  
"I don't know whatcha mean babe." I knew exactly what she meant.  
"I mean...letting me live here...helping me with the catnip thing..." she gave me a mischievous smile "and letting me just...totally rip you apart...anytime I want to..." she slid up and gave me a long, deep kiss. "I know you get a little crazy when you're not in control."  
"Whoa whoa whoa. I'm in control..." she laughed.  
"Okay Tugger, whatever you say."  
"Well come on Bom, do you really think I'd let myself...oh my sweet god." I choked out. She had slid a paw across my thigh and right onto my still aching groin. She knew all the ins and outs of how to make my eyes roll back in my head, and she was using that knowledge against me. her voice found my ears.  
"You were saying?" she whispered in the voice she KNEW drove me nuts. I bit my lip.  
"You're EVIL." I growled from behind clenched teeth. Her paw stopped moving. "OKAY!" I moaned. "Okay you win. You win. Just, just, yeah. Yeah...there. Oh wow right there. Please...I...just...HEY!" My eyes shot open as she removed her paw.  
"Can we finish talking first?" she asked. I nodded feverishly, breathing fast.  
"You're trying to give me a heart attack, aren't you?" She giggled.  
"No I just...there's something I need to do."  
"Yeah, you just stopped doing it!"  
"Tugger! Would you listen?"  
"You wouldn't be interested in a proposition of fuck now, talk later, would you?" she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Aghh! Queens these days!" I joked.  
"Tugger come on! This is serious!" she squealed. She had a smile on her face, but I could hear annoyance in her voice.  
"Okay okay come here." I extended my arms out to her and she returned, cuddling against my chest once more. "I'm all ears babe."  
"Okay, well I've got to tell you something."  
"Yeah?"  
"And I've really never said it before. Well, to Demeter I have, but that's a little different."  
"Alright what's up?" I laughed. She took a long slow breath, paused, and then shook her head and smiled. She got up on her knees and knelt between my legs, her paws resting on my thighs.  
"Alright well…Tugger. I think…no, I know. Well, I'm pretty sure I know, so I don't think...but I do THINK it, but that doesn't mean I don't know it too-"  
"You're too cute when you ramble like that. I love it." I said, stroking her arm. She blushed.  
"Well I love that you love it."  
"And also, I love how you smile when you're embarrassed like that."  
"I love how you beg me sometimes."  
"I hate to love that you tease me so bad."  
"I hate to love how you kiss me to shut me up."  
"I love watching you sleep."  
"I love making you freak out."  
"I love how bright your eyes get when you're excited."  
"I love how much easier you're making this."  
"I love how I don't know what you're talking-" She silenced me with a kiss that almost knocked my front teeth out. Like wow, this queen was intense sometimes. But hell, I wasn't complaining. She stopped and pulled far enough away to look me in the eyes.  
"God damn you're beautiful." I muttered. She didn't give me that sweet sliver of a smile that she always gave me when I complimented her. Her breathing was all over the place, and there was a strange excitement in her eyes that I'd never seen in her before. "Bom...?" I started wondering what the hell she was doing. She closed her eyes.  
"Tugger I..." her eyes flew open and she kissed me hard, but quickly. "I love you." Now I know what you're all thinking: how can he say no to that? Believe me, I was thinking the same thing. But I had just frozen, staring at her like an idiot, er smile and the glow in her eyes fading with every second. Just when she looked like she was honestly about to cry, an almighty crash; like thunder, only louder and harsher caught our attention. It was accompanied by screams. Bomba and I exchanged worried glances before darting outside. The sky had gone pitch black. But how? It was early afternoon! There were no stars, no moon, nothing: just a pitch black that was almost painful to look at. My lungs were protesting to a smoke coming from a huge fire in the meeting center. A few cats streaked past me, including a hot pink cat, striped green, who I noticed by her scream was Victoria.  
"WHAT THE HELL?" I shouted. I looked up, looking for Bombalurina, but she was gone. "BOMBA!" I called, paws cupped around my mouth. She was nowhere to be seen. I heard another crash, and a few more squeals, this time of excitement, as a white and blue flash shot into the sky which suddenly turned a violent purple. "BOMBA!" I called again. No response. "Oh fuck it." I muttered. I ran towards the squeals and found a majority of the tribe sitting by the fire in the meeting center...and they were all circled around Mistoffelees. I stopped dead, watching the scene I could never have imagined possible. Misto looked more than a little bit terrified as sparks shot at Victoria, who had returned. I blinked hard, unwilling to believe that she had just turned orange.  
"Turn me back Misto!" she shrieked at the sparks that suddenly turned her blue. "Oh my god fix me! What are you doing?"  
"I'm trying, Vicki! Hold on!" he kept firing white sparks out of his paws, and Victoria's shade of blue began to lighten. The others were all watching and talking in excited whispers. The sight was almost gruesome to watch. When Victoria's color returned to white, she ran like hell. Mistoffelees followed her, shouting apologies, leaving all of us to divide our attention between the fire and the violet sky. I just stood there, and under the whispers of the other excited Jellicles I muttered.  
"Well…fuck. me."

* * *

I had to help the other toms put out the fire before it set the whole junkyard ablaze. Munkustrap had gone to find Mistoffelees to get him to fix the still purple sky. It looked like blue spots were trying to peek through though, and a circle of neon purple marked the location of the sun. As I stood there between Alonzo and Coricopat, passing along plastic cups full of river water we were using to douse the flames, I thought about Mistoffelees. There was no doubt that he was a conjuror, but why had he never shown his powers before? Well, everyone else thought he had: at the Ball. But he HADN'T! It was me! Me and faulty wiring…or was he really shooting lightning? Has my far-fetched attempt at humiliating Mistoffelees actually been the truth? I didn't want to believe it, but there was no denying what we'd all just seen. A crash rang out and we all stopped to watch as red light shot up from the edge of the junkyard, and the purple in the sky began to dissolve, revealing an early spring-evening sky. There were a few sighs of relief and we resumed passing down the cups of water.

* * *

Well that was over. I was lounging in the car with Munkustrap; Demeter and Bombalurina were out doing god knows what, leaving us to just sit and be lazyfucks. I took a break from my Misto musings and switched to Bomba mode. I didn't know where she was, but I knew she was probably thinking, if not venting to Demeter, about me, and what a huge mistake she'd made by telling me that she loved me.  
"So where's your better half?" joked Munkustrap.  
"Where's your pregnant half?" I fired back.  
"Don't know. Somewhere with Bomba I guess. I'm just wondering because today was the first time I've seen you without her in like…a month."  
"Well we…hit a snag."  
"You? Bombalurina? You two are a walking snag. What could you possibly have done to piss her off?"  
"I…I didn't do anything." And that was the truth. I hadn't done shit.  
"Was it something she did wrong?"  
"She didn't do wrong…" she did everything right. She let me know she loved me, and hoped I'd say it back. As if she didn't know already.  
"She told me that she loves me."  
"Well great! I mean finally. That's been well and due for a while now."  
"I didn't say it back." I muttered.  
"Are you stupid?!" my brother asked, his voice suddenly agitated. "She told you…and you didn't…but you DO though, Tugger!"  
"I…I know."  
"Then why didn't you tell her?"  
"I've been trying!"  
"What's stopping you?"  
"WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME?!" We'd gotten to our feet, screaming at each other, but now I collapsed on the floor, almost in tears. Munkustrap plopped down beside me, patting my back.  
"Oh." He said, his voice softening.  
"Yeah. It's stupid, I know. But I…I just can't shake it."  
"It's not that it's stupid, Tug…I sort of get it…but do you really think Bombalurina will pull a Misto on you?"  
"No…I don't know…no…"  
"And Tugger…well, I don't want to make things worse…"  
"What?"  
"It almost looks like you pulled a Misto on her."  
"What?!"  
"Well, try and think about it. You told Mistoffelees that you loved him, and he wouldn't say it back because he didn't really love you: he just wanted a good lay. Bomba told you she loves you, and you wouldn't say it back. What is she almost allowed to assume?" He made total sense, and my eyes widened with shock.  
"Oh shit." I whispered.  
"Yeah. Shit is damn right. She's good for you, Tug. Don't fuck this one up." I sighed and fell backwards, contemplating what I'd done. Munkustrap sighed too and stared out the window. "Speaking of Misto, what was up with that today?"  
"Dunno."  
"He looked…scared. It was out of control. He acted like he didn't know what he was doing…like he'd never conjured before." I felt sick. Bomba and Misto fought for dominance over my thoughts and it started to rip my brain apart.  
"I…I need some air." I choked out. Munkustrap tried to say something, but I ran. I ran straight out of the yard and hit out in an alley a block away. It reeked of garbage and sewage and that only made the nausea worse. I sat on the ground, back to the brick wall, catching my breath.  
"Hello?" came a voice from the shadows. I almost screamed.  
"Whose there?" I asked.  
"T-Tugger?" Mistoffelees came towards me from the end of the alley. I swore something terrible under my breath. Bad place, bad time, bad outcome, I could feel it.  
"Hello Mistoffelees." I tried to sound formal: act like I didn't know him. "What are you doing out here by yourself?"  
"Well I'm not by myself, am I?"  
"You were."  
"No I wasn't. Victoria just left."  
"You had her out here?! She's practically still a kitten, it's not safe!"  
"Well we needed a private place for her to scream at me." He said, not trying to hide his detest. "She's still a really light shade of blue…"  
"So fix her Mr. Magic Tom." He shrugged.  
"I tried…I can't."  
"What do you mean you can't?" I spat. "We all saw you. You changed the fucking sky! You wanna act like you can't fucking turn her white?"  
"Tugger, I don't know what happened. Seems like you'd know better than I do, actually. You called this at the Ball…"  
"I was just fucking around at the Ball. I didn't think that was actually you. It was the wiring around the junkyard…and the Old Deuteronomy thing…I arranged that…but were you really shooting that lightning?"  
"I don't know. I don't THINK so…I mean, I didn't FEEL anything…"  
"Well what did you feel today?"  
"Nothing. I was in an argument with Vicki, over something stupid, and I yelled, and boom! The sky went black! The tribe showed up…I started sparking everywhere, and that made the fire start. And then I was just kind of…able to tell myself what to do…and it'd just happen. I wish I had more answers…but I don't. Vicki and I just broke up. I think she's just mad that I can't get rid of the blue. I'll try to fix her next chance I can…" he stopped talking when I started to slowly back away.  
"So you couldn't turn me orange right now?" I asked. He shook his head.  
"Doubt it." There was a glint in his eye all of a sudden that I was afraid I knew all too well. "But there are some ways I can turn you…that I don't need magic for." He took a big step towards me, and I matched it backwards.  
"Misto. No. I'm…I'm with Bombalurina."  
"I know. I've seen you around the yard. Is she any good?"  
"Yeah. She is. Best I've ever had." I let that last sentence get in his face a little."  
"So you get to tear her apart…the way I tore you up?"  
"Yeah." No. I gulped. Try the other way around. "Yeah all the time."  
"You don't sound so sure." And with a speed that made me think he was lying about not being able to access his powers, he had me against the bricks, holding my paws above my head. I felt lips on my neck, and his scent brought back feelings that sent my eyes rolling back in my head. "You just never learned how to take control, did you?" His voice made vibrations on my skin that sent chills up and down my spine. I tried not to shudder.  
"Why does it matter?"  
"Calm down Tugger…just let go…"  
"No."  
"Tugger…"  
"NO Misto…"  
"I love it when you fight with me.  
"Back off little tomkit, you don't know what love is."  
"Oh but you do. You used to love me." He slid a paw down my thigh, and back up again, hooking a claw into my belt. "And I bet you can do it again. I bet I have the…power...to persuade you." He dove back at my neck.  
"Misto no."  
"Come on Tugger…I know you love it..."  
"No I don't love it." I gathered my strength and got my paws out of his grip, pressing against his shoulders and pinning him up against the opposite wall. "I love Bomba!" I think our expressions were exactly the same: complete and total shock. I released him, my breathing getting faster. I nodded. "I love…I love Bomba." Misto was looking at me like I had five tails. "I love Bomba! I love Bomba!" now that I had said it out loud, I just had to keep saying it. Without another word directed to Mistoffelees, I took off running, back to the junkyard, babbling incoherently about love and what an idiot I was for not doing this sooner. I stopped in the middle of the junkyard. Problem: I didn't know where Bomba was. I ran around asking random cats if they'd seen Bombalurina. They must've thought I was on nip, by the wild smile I was sure I had on. Finally I found Demeter. "DEM! DEMDEMDEMDEMDEMDEM!" I shouted all the way over to her. Her eyebrows had almost disappeared from creeping so far up her forehead. "Have you seen Bombalurina?" I asked. She nodded.  
"She's in me and Munk's den. Hiding out from you." I rolled my eyes.  
"Thank you."  
"Don't mention it." and I tore off again towards Dem and Munkustrap's den. I burst through the door, and stopped in the entrance as she looked at me. I smiled, she didn't.  
"Hi." I said.  
"Hey." she muttered. Damn it. Bad mood.  
"Are...you okay?" she gave me a look that screamed "are you serious?" before going back to picking at her claws.  
"Go away Tugger." she said to no one in particular. I shook my head.  
"No way." I whispered, before rushing over to her. I grabbed her by her arms and pulled to her feet, wrapping her in my arms.  
"Tugger. No. Not now. I don't...you're not...you don't..." I quieted her with a kiss. She was still trying to push me off, but only halfheartedly.  
"You're cute when you ramble. I love it. I love that you love that I love it." I was ending every sentence with a kiss. "I love how you smile when you're embarrassed. I love how you make me beg sometimes. I LOVE to love how you tease me so bad. I love how I have to kiss you to shut you up sometimes. I love watching you sleep. I love it when you freak me out. I love how bright your eyes get when you're excited. I love how sometimes I have no idea what you're saying. I love how much easier this is all of a sudden." I'd actually lifted her up by her waist and pressed her lightly against the wall. She wasn't fighting my kiss anymore, and had her arms wrapped around my neck. "And know what else?" I asked.  
"What?" she asked, breathless.  
"I love you."

* * *

_admit it...you went "awwww" at the end.  
this is the chapter i've been pumped to write since i started. i knew the i love you chapter was gonna be long, and it was gonna be sappy. _

_so it is. ) i rule anyways.  
reviews anyone? yes, no maybe so?  
close to 600 views now and only seven reviews. disappointing..._


End file.
